Goddamn Brownies

I know it's been a while since I've blogged. I'm bad and a slacker. Hopefully I'll try to get back into the swing of things for those of you who actually read my blog.

While sitting here on the couch, being lazy on a Saturday afternoon I came across an infomercial for the Loud 'N Clear.




I get the point. For a mere $20 you get a cheaper option to a hearing aid with a "stylish" twist. They boast that it will help the hard of hearing as well as enhance hearing for others so you can hear conversations from far away. So, not only do you get to hear what girls at a party are saying about you at a party, but you get to look like a douchebag at the same time! All that's missing is an Ed Hardy T-shirt.



Forget how stupid you look while wearing, if it works what difference does it make? I really don't see how this could be used for everything the commercial boasts. Most likely it can amplify sound, that is the easy part. What it doesn't say is to what degree. The ad says you can hear all the action at the big game while showing someone in the middle of a cheering crowd. If this $20 gadget amplifies enough to hear a kid at a little league game sliding into home plate fifty feet away, what does the screaming parent next to you sound like?

Do people really not consider this? From some reviews I have read online it doesn't really work anyway, but it astonishes me how easily people can be "tricked" into ordering such crap.

I understand that people do not think of movies the same way as myself. To some people they are just a way to kill a couple of hours and be mildly entertained in the process. Few have respect for the theater going experience anymore, as evident by their rude behavior, talking and such. Something that has always annoyed me is people getting up during a movie, for whatever reason. I witnessed someone recently get to a movie quite a bit early with the family and they were sharing one of the large, refillable, popcorn buckets. They ate as quickly as possible and when the trailers ended and the movie began one of them arose to get more popcorn. Why the hell did they wait until the movie started? Is this not the reason they paid money to get in the theater? The last time I can remember getting up for anything during a movie was during Independence Day in 1996. I never got up during movies but this was a second viewing and I knew what was coming up so I decided to run grab a pickle. I was with a friend and we were near the front of the packed theater and on my way out I slipped on some soda and crashed in front of everyone. There was thunderous laughter and my ass hurt. This was a sign from the movie gods to not get up while the projector is running.

Probably the number one reason people get up during a movie is to go to the bathroom. This is something I have also never understood. Have you no bladder control? I understand there are certain times that when you have to go, you REALLY have to go. I highly doubt all of these people have a very dire situation brewing. Personally there has not been a situation in my memory where I had to go or there would be problems. I even sat through all of Titanic, which I really didn't enjoy, and I had to go pretty bad by the time the credit began to roll (I even stayed during all of them too).

Now it has come to my attention there is a website out there called Run Pee. On this site you can look up a movie and see at which points during any film you should get up to go to the bathroom. It looks like this:



You see the timeline and under it will give you a "vague" description of what happens right before you'll have a couple of minutes to alleviate you bladder. If you want to know what happens during the time you will miss, you can click the box below and the scrambled text will spoil the scene. Many have been raving about this site, and how it is a great tool for movie goers, I, of course, have a problem with this.

Most films are made and put you in a story and they set everything up so that you are caught up in what is on the screen. When you leave the theater, for any reason, all this accomplishes is taking you out of the world the filmmakers spent so long trying to create. Even if you are at a bad flick, like the latest Mike Meyers tragedy, getting up and leaving does not just affect you. There are other people in the theater with you, and when you walk by, in front of, or around them it distracts. I don't spend ten bucks to have you walking in front of me. If you have to go to the bathroom just hold it! If you have poor bladder control, or are going to a longer film (i.e. Lord of the Rings) then don't get the bucket size of soda at the concession stand. It is that simple.

If the website were not enough to piss me off, they have escalated to the next level - an iPhone app. The iPhone is freaking wonderful, and the apps only make it better, but this is a bad idea. All this app does is not only encourage people to get up during the film, but now they are going to pull out their phones while the movie is going and distract those around them with the glow. I see no good coming of this.

Why can't people just sit down, shut up and watch the damn movie?

I love Chinese food. It's no secret, but I cannot get enough far east cuisine. One of the things most people know about Chinese food is what they have learned at the local buffet. While their food is never the best, it's usually rather cheap and you get to try a little bit of everything. Most of the time I would rather have good food, but ever now and again I get a hankering for the buffet. Sue me.

Something that has perplexed me for years is the waitress at the Chinese buffet. You walk to your table, they take a drink order and then you go get your food. Throughout the whole dining experience all this person does is get you refills, slowly, and pick up your dirty plates for your return trip to the smorgasboard. I guess it is nice to have someone bring you the drinks, but then the end of the meal comes. At any normal restaurant there is no question to the validity of the waiter/waitress and tip accordingly to the service. At the buffet you finish and then what? I guess you should tip, but what did they really do? You got all of the food, the plates could have been taken by a busboy, so that just leaves the beverages. Is it really worth dropping a dollar or two for a couple of refills? Sure it's just a couple of bucks, but I don't know that it's really tip worthy. I wish they would just get rid of this and you get your own drinks too. Most every fast food restaurant on the planet has the fountain drink set up, why can't this transfer over to the buffet?

I say we start picketing.

The general movie going public never ceases to amaze me. People who arrive late to a film and stumble to their seats in the dark ten minutes in make no sense. I haven't decided if it is worse or not, but many of these people also leave before the movie is even over. What is the rush? The movie is beginning to wind down, the big climax has happened so I guess these patrons feel like they have seen the whole story. No need for a dènnouement. No need for an epilogue. That was around ten bucks, per person, well spent. You missed the first few minutes and the last few. Most of the time these people file out of the theater just as slowly as they entered. It's not like they are in a rush for something. Is there going to be a huge traffic jam of which I have not been made aware?

If this is a huge screening and you don't want to sit in traffic then why not wait in your seat? You will get to finish the actual movie, maybe see some bloopers if you have been watching a comedy, or there could be a little stinger after the credits. I always sit through the end credits of every film and read through the scrolling text. This is not just to see if there is anything after the credits, but just to see the names of everyone who worked on this project. I have always been like this. It pains me when I am at a film festival and I have to leave during the credits in order to make the next flick on my schedule. Maybe I am weird, but I think it is just everyone else who is rude.

Monday I finally went to see Star Trek, which was great. Less than a minute after the climax ended this couple in the back row began gathering their things to leave. As if this was not bad enough, the female started talking on the phone in a normal tone before they even left their row. So you don't want to sit and watch the end of the movie, do you have to be an annoying as possible to everyone else around you?

Once the credits began to roll the three people on the row in front of mine filed out one by one, and each of them stopped directly in my eye line. Could they not see I was sitting trying to see around them? I can forgive the first offender, because he may not have noticed, but his two friends should have seen.

There was also a group of people a few rows ahead who came in with their large refillable popcorn before the trailers. As soon as all of the trailers were over and the feature had begun one of them got up to refill the bucket. Why the hell did they wait until the film they paid to see to begin before getting up? This makes no sense!

I love to see films with an audience at times, but sometimes it is just not worth the agony my mind goes through.

Not that it should be any surprise to anyone, but we, the horror consumers, are being screwed over yet again. This time Warner Bros. is the offending party with the new Blu-Ray release of the George A. Romero/Stephen King horror anthology classic Creepshow.



I'm sure the transfer has been cleaned up a bit for this high def medium, but where are the extras? The only other Creepshow release in the US was bare bones, yet Creepshow 2 received an awesome two-disc release. I think the fans deserve some bonus features. We don't really need them to do anything new, just port over the extras from the awesome double disc release from the UK over a year ago.

A guy named Michael Felsher, Red Shirt Pictures, produced some behind the scenes stuff for a non-existent special edition of Creepshow. This is the guy behind all of your favorite features from recent releases such as The Monster Squad, Dark Sky's special edition of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Hellraiser and the upcoming Children of the Corn Blu-Ray. After everything was edited he went to Warner with all of the extras ready to go. They passed. He tried a few more times to reason with the studio, according to a Q&A I heard, to no avail. Across the pond the rights are owned by Universal and they jumped at the chance to do a sweet special edition for the fans. Why shouldn't they, the UK seems to get all the cool releases - Phantasm sphere set, Hellraiser lament configuration box set. The Creepshow SE has tons of great things like commentary with Romero and Tom Savini, around fifteen minutes of deleted scenes, thirty minutes of Savini's personal behind-the-scenes footage and Felsher's 90 minute (!) retrospective documentary. Who wouldn't want this?

I don't know why Warner is being so stubborn and releasing this Blu-Ray version with no extras when they are available and could easily be thrown on the disc. They would need to be converted to HD first, but Felsher probably already has them that way in anticipation. I will not buy this Blu-Ray release, even though I love the movie, in hopes they will eventually release a better version. It is annoying that they even consider doing this when they could do it right the first time, but you cannot win. Studios will do what they want and we are left to suffer through their mediocre releases, both mentally and economically.

Will it ever end?

On Monday I went to Fry's Electronics to purchase a washer and dryer for the new house. Having full size connections, and a place for them, is going to be awesome! I do love Fry's but it is kind of a love/hate relationship. Sometimes when you go in the staff is overly helpful, but most of the time when you actually need assistance it is like a freaking ghost town.

This was, of course, one of those times.

Jenny and I already picked the model we wanted so all I needed to do was buy them and schedule the delivery. After about five minutes of walking around the large appliances and slamming doors to try and get some attention I went on the hunt for a sales associate. I found some young guy stocking and told him I needed help buying a washer and dryer. "What kind of help do you need with that," he asked. "I need to buy them."

Blank stare.

Then I explained I knew what I wanted, I just needed to make the purchase. He went for help and soon a manager came over to me. She was very helpful and about ten to fifteen minutes later I was on my way to the register with the papers they needed to finalize everything.

When I handed the pages to the guy at the register he looked at them, back at me, back at the pages and then sighed. "Is this all they gave you?" What the hell kind of question is that? Why would I not give him something they gave me? Did I lose it in the two minutes it took to walk to the front and wait in the short line? I told him that was it, and then he asked if I was sure. Bah. He had to go make a copy of something and then he came back and we finished the transaction.

I do not understand people sometimes. I am sure there is not a crazy I.Q. test you have to pass to work retail, but can we please weed out the morons?

There I was checking some things on my DVR and decided to see what was on tomorrow's SNL. Instead of searching for it I just went to NBC and cycled through to tomorrow night. On my journey I noticed something a bit disheartening, the lack of kid's shows.

It has been a long time since I was up early on a Saturday when I did not have somewhere to go. Since High School, or probably longer, I have not gotten up and watched TV very early so I never really noticed the gradual change in programming. I guess with the majority of people having cable and channels like Disney, Nickelodeon, Nick Toons and many more there is no need for the major networks to fill their mornings with cartoons. The current lineup is not completely devoid of kid oriented shows, but it is nothing like it used to be. NBC, for example, has the Today show on until 9:00, then it is local news and finally two hours of cartoons before it switches to golf, or NASCAR, or whatever lame sport is in season. ABC has reruns of Nickelodeon kid sitcoms (That's So Raven, Hannah Montana, etc...), CBS shows cartoons starting at 8:30, and the FOX has an hour of Saved by the Bell. The only channel showing cartoons is the CW, from 7:00am until noon, most of which are weird Japanese shows like Yu-Gi-Oh.

I could just be remembering a bit wrong, but I could swear that when I was a kid every network channel had cartoons from around six or seven through to noon. That was the best part of the week. No school and eating cereal, or pancakes on special occasions, in my He-Man PJs while watching hours of cartoons. Snorks, Smurfs, Transformers, Masters of the Universe, Heathcliff, Looney Tunes, Dungeons & Dragons, Tom & Jerry, Muppet Babies and so many more. Most of the cartoons on today are crap, in my opinion, but it still sucks that kids without cable are screwed.

Here I am, torn again. Work has been ridiculously slow (read: non-existent)and besides going broke I'm getting a little stir crazy. A little over a week ago I got a call for some reality show that was going to be here during May and June. I sent them my availability and resume but never heard back. Not a surprise. She said the majority of the work would be weekends, and Seamus Stout is booked pretty much solid for the first three weekends of May. It is kind of hard to do the freelance thing with the band because of a lot of stuff shooting on weekends when we're playing. I don't want to quit the band, I really enjoy playing with the guys and just wish I wouldn't get passed over for jobs because I might have to play on a Saturday night. It has happened quite a few times.

As I have complained before, you cannot really have a part-time job in this industry because you never know your schedule. If there were only some place that would hire me on a contract style basis so I could take the time off if a shoot comes up. Bah!

The other night I was getting a wee bit depressed about monetary things and was thinking of just saying "fuck it" and going looking for a "real" job. Something like food prep or cooking at Central Market or Whole Foods would be cool. I looked on their websites and there are some positions available but I just don't know if I want to actually apply. I could just do part time, and I know they are really flexible with their schedules there, but to what degree? If I get a call for a commercial shoot that is going to be for five days, or more, would they be cool enough to let me go? On the other hand the second I take a job there, or anywhere, full time that will be when my phone starts ringing off the hook.

Another reason for my hesitation is this new film incentive bill that should go through this week. I don't really know what it entails, but supposedly it is good. L.A. has done some shady things with their incentive, and I believe NYC too, so things could start coming here. But that is a big could.

Do I hold out and hope it gets better? Does anyone out there know how flexible either of the markets are? Do any of you know of any fix for my problem? Sorry to whine about my job situation.

So yesterday all I did was bitch, and I hate to do it again, but I have to let out my rage yet again. This time the subject lying across my chopping block is television. This annoyance really began last night when I sat down to watch the latest DVR’d episode of Fringe. This is one of my favorite new shows on TV. Very much like X-Files, which automatically gives it points, but with a little more of the new Lost/Heroes sort of connections of today’s dramas. Some people will argue that the things people do in fringe science on the show are completely unreal and would never happen. Duh! Of course they wouldn’t, it’s science fiction. Suspend your disbelief for a moment, won’t you?

Bah, back on track…

For the second week in a row American Idol, or something before it, has run a little long. Last week I fast forwarded almost ten minutes before Fringe finally started so I just downloaded the episode and watched it the next day. As for last night, it was only a few minutes in so I gave it a shot. The recording cut off with probably about one minute left in the show. I’m pretty sure I know how it ended, but given these programs like to add a little stinger I now have to download, or Hulu, the episode for the last freaking minute!

Now today I noticed that Scrubs and Better Off Ted (great new show) were not scheduled on my DVR. I looked on the guide for that time and there was something weird in its place. I checked TV Guide.com and ABC’s site and they showed they should be airing. Then I went to Dallas’ affiliate’s site, WFAA Channel 8, and there was the proof. Instead of showing a wonderful new show, or the second half of a two-parter, WFAA was showing Good Morning Texas After Dark, a special primetime presentation of the station’s morning show where they will talk about spring fashion. For fuck’s sake! I searched around the interwebs and found a reply WFAA sent someone who wrote in about this kick in the face.

“Thank you for writing.

Tomorrow night's preempted Scrubs episode has been rescheduled to air overnight Saturday (4/18) going into Sunday (4/19) morning at 3:35a.m.

Unfortunately we are not able to reschedule Better Off Ted into another time slot. However, episodes of Scrubs and Better Off Ted can also be viewed online at www.abc.com.

We apologize for any inconvenience our preemptions may cause. Let us know if we can be additional assistance.”

3:35 in the morning?! What the hell is that about? These stations are practically encouraging downloading the shows instead of fueling their advertisers.

Off to torrents I go.

I had a couple of DVDs on order from Amazon. No rush needed so I was waiting on the slow free shipping. A couple days ago I got the shipping confirmation and was expecting them anytime. On my way out to the bank I stopped by the mailboxes at my apartment complex.

Most of you know what apartment mailboxes look like, the wall, or walls, of small boxes in a central location. My box is on the bottom level and as I approached it there was something on the ground. I picked up the white package, flipped it over and it was my package from Amazon. What the hell?! I opened my mailbox and there was plenty of room. I can understand if the postman left the parcel on my doorstep or left me a note that I have to pick it up at the post office, but not this. Just drop this on the ground in the main common area of the complex. I'm sure no on ever steals stuff like this. Riiiiight.

After fuming for a few minutes I thought about calling the post office and complaining, but I wonder what good that will really do. My dad did work as a mailman for many, many years and I know all about the slaps on the wrist they get. Even if some action was taken what if my mail carrier is the kind who starts to fuck with me because I got him in trouble? Yeah, it's unethical and against the law to tamper with the mail, but that doesn't stop everyone. The service where I live now is bad enough as it is, I cannot afford for it to get any worse. I gave a couple of Netflix returns to my mailman one time and, surprise, they never made it back to the distribution center. I really hope I get this rent house (which I should know by the end of the week) because then there will, hopefully, be less snail mail shenanigans.

What should I do?

Ever since I left the world of call centers and annoying people I have been much happier. The freedom of being self-employed is great, but there have been MANY disadvantages too.

I am about to fill out a lease application for a rental house (cross your fingers for me) and it asks for employer. Under the info you fill out is this: "If Applicant is self-employed, Landlord may require one or more previous year's tax return attested by a CPA, attorney, or other tax professional." This just annoys me to no end. I have run into a similar problem before, and just because you work for yourself does not mean you need a CPA! I understand if you own a company with employees and such, but I am a freelancer. I even had a guy who didn't know what "freelance" meant. Idiots.

The main problem with this life is when there is no work, like now. Small jobs have been coming through randomly, but where is all the work? I know the economy is in the toilet, but I was hoping it would not kill the film business. Yeah, if I lived in L.A. I would not have this problem, but I don't want to live in L.A. Maybe that should tell me something about this career path.

I have thought about trying to get a second job, like at Central Market or something, but when, and if, a film/commercial job comes along I would not be able to just take the work. This is the type of business that you cannot have second jobs. It's hard enough having to work around the band, but I love doing it so I won't stop. I just wish we played more so then I would have the extra cash, but those guys have other jobs too.

Lately I have been thinking of looking for a full-time job, but I cannot bring myself to actually put forth the effort. I love the freedom I have now, and remember how much I hated being in that office environment. I have been writing more lately so maybe that could turn into something (Cory, I should finally have something to send you soon). In the meantime I'll just sit here and be depressed about the lack of work.

Being a fan of anything horror related it is hard to go anywhere without someone mentioning Stephen King. He has been a staple of the genre for many years now and has done his share of good work. My only problem with the man lies in his inability to write a decent ending. Pretty much every novel he writes just seems to fall apart when you get to the final act.

Despite his shortcomings I still hold a few of his works in high regard. One such story is It. I read the book in Junior High over the course of a week, and loved it. The whole spider thing is quite odd, but the rest of the story I loved. In 1990 there was a made-for-TV miniseries of the book starring, among many others, Harry Anderson, John Ritter, the late Jonathan Brandis, a young Seth Green and the wonderful portrayal of Pennywise the clown by Tim Curry. What a wonderfully creepy look Curry has as a clown with blood filled balloons.


Today it has come to my attention through many websites (Dread Central, Shock Till You Drop, etc) that there is now a director attached for Warner Bros' remake of It. Dave Kajganich appears to be a first time director, according to IMDb, and has only written a couple of things before, like the 2007 film The Invasion starring Nicole Kidman. Not sure how he will do, but it is not the director who is the cause of my uncertainty.

To begin with, they are going to place the story in present day. Of course! Why must every story take place in this time? Yes I know the book was present day at the time, but all of the stuff that happens in the past (the book jumps between 1958 and 1985) will all have to change. Are the flashbacks going to be around the time of the original's present day? Lame.

Another big problem with this film is the plan to go theatrical. Sure, I would love to see a faithful adaptation on the big screen, but this will not happen. How the hell can they take a 1,000+ page novel and knock it out in two hours? They can't. A couple of years ago there was talk that HBO was going to remake It as a six hour miniseries. This makes sense. This could fix all of the network friendly problems with the first filmed version, aside from the boys pulling a train on Beverly. I don't think even HBO would let preteen gang bangs air.

A story with as much involved as It needs more than a 90 to 120 minute running time. I hope this turns out to be somewhat watchable, but most every remake today is just full of pretty faces to draw a crowd. I'm just afraid of a cast full of actors from Gossip Girl, 90210 and One Tree Hill to litter the screen. Maybe they'll get Will Ferrell to fill the oversized shoes of Pennywise. Sigh.