Goddamn Brownies

Recently in Gastonia, North Carolina a couple was arrested after being found "going at it" in a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Sex acts in public are nothing all that new, but the age difference between the couple is the kicker. The mugshots paint a pretty picture too.



It turns out Asia Marie Howard, 25, was paid $20 to blow Mr. William Walter Stephens, 83, in his Buick. You expect prostitutes to troll truck stops and seedy areas, but I never figured a Wal-Mart parking lot the place for working girls. Though I'm not surprised.

The officer on the scene stopped them as they were leaving the parking lot, after they had been seen having sex in the aformentioned car. At least he let them finish, I'm sure that is not a sight one would want to see up close. You would think the charge would be prostitution since Howard admitted to being paid for the oral sex, but not in North Carolina. The charge - crime against nature. Yep, in some states certain sex acts, other than missionary I presume, are still illegal. This includes anal, oral, bestiality, necrophilia and in some cases homosexual acts. I understand not wanting to see anything like this in a public place, but if two consenting adults want to have a little ass sex, what is the big deal?

I remember around the time I graduated from high school there was a sexual arrest made in the parking lot of Wal-Mart in Burleson. A nineteen year old guy, who I knew, was caught getting hot and heavy with a thirteen year old girl in his car. Way to screw up your life for some action. He is still registered as a sex offender, as confirmed by the website, and just went in for his yearly check-in and photo update on his 30th birthday last week. How can you ever enjoy a birthday again when you know you have to go have your new sex offender picture taken?

Evidently Disneyland has had a position at its theme parks for boob watchers. The highly boring job is to watch all of the photos taken on rides and check for objectionable things before showing it on the preview screen for the public to see. Every once in a while a girl may flash her boobs (like the above photo will prove), but I'm pretty sure most of their problems are kids, and/or frat guys, giving the finger. Most of the time it is probably nothing fun to watch.

Evidently Disney agreed this was a minor problem because as of this week those porno peepers have been reassigned in other areas of the theme parks. If anyone reading this is out in the Disneyland area feel free to have a go on Splash Mountain, Tower of Terror, Space Mountain or California Screamin'. If you want to see a few more, and uncensored, photos like I have included head over to Flash Mountain.

Pranksters and exhibitionists enjoy!

[Boing Boing]

Alright, I like metal. Sue me. Sure, there are plenty of bands I don't get but I still like to rock out (heh). One of the best things about the Black Metal groups, aside from the spikes and corpse paint, are the mostly incomprehensible band logos.

Before we continue, black metal is not metal played by black guys. Yes, Body Count ruled but that is not what this is about. Wikipedia says, "Black metal is an extreme subgenre of heavy metal. It often employs fast tempos, shrieked vocals, highly distorted guitars played with tremolo picking, double-kick drumming, and unconventional song structure." The guys in the bands look like this:


Well they are not all teens in the suburbs, most of them are hardcore Norwegian evil beings. Now, on with the logos...



Some aren't too hard to read. The first is Borknagar, a Progressive/Viking/Folk/Black metal group from Norway; and the second is Swedish black metal outfit Watain. These two are similar with their form of symmetry, especially in Watain's. This is a common theme in most logos. Then there are the harder to read, like this ridiculous entry into society.


Stumped? Me too. It allegedly says Korgonthurus, which I think is some sort of dinosaur. I have stared at this forever and cannot figure out how the hell this tree branch says Korgonthurus. I even looked at the below image where someone outlined the letter and I still don't see half of the name.


This all came along because @GhoulishGary from Rue Morgue Magazine posted a link on Twitter to a blog called Metal Sucks where they have a contest going for guessing the "Completely Unreadable Band Logo of the Week."


If you can figure out what that says head over to their site and enter! If you want to check out a few more hard-to-read logos check HERE and HERE.

As an added bonus here is a video of some teens in Russia doing an acoustic black metal performance for the class' enjoyment. Hi-larious!

How many times have you found yourself sleepy while in transit but are too uncomfortable to sleep? Those airplane seats are just too cramped to catch a few winks, and that person next to you on the train probably does not want your head on their shoulder. Worry no more! Get yourself the new Nap Strap!



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[Source Vacation Gadgets via Gizmodo]

There is something that happens in Men's Rooms everywhere that some are not aware of. Most of the clueless are women, who never spend time in there, but I've talked to a few guys who have never seen this. I'll let Butters from South Park explain:



If you still don't understand from the crappy picture, or have never seen him do this in South Park, I will give more info. Often times little boys (Kindergarten to 2nd Grade) will walk up to the urinal, drop their pants to their ankles, hold the shirt up with both hands and piss away. I remember seeing this in elementary school and thinking it was funny then, but occasionally I have seen it in public places. About a month ago I walked into Target and against the urinal wall was a kid doing this very act. I had to go in a stall to pee because I thought I'd laugh if I stayed near the kid.

I really don't remember ever doing this myself. I guess it is always possible, but I think I would remember urinating with my bare ass exposed in public. I do remember the awesome urinals at my elementary schools. They were blue and had a point system. It was like the skee-ball scoring system with each ring increasing in point value up to a 50 point bullseye. I searched online for a while for a picture of one of these, but I could not find one. Maybe I'll head back to my old school and see if they still have them. I can hear it now, "sir, why are you walking into the boy's room with a camera?"

Today I had lunch at Chipotle. While I was sitting there with my burrito and copy of the Quick I saw some hot sauce leaking through the tortilla. A couple of bites later I realized it appeared to be blood. I checked the burrito and it was only in one spot. There had been a very crunchy (read, burned) piece of chicken that kind of nabbed by gums. I checked the inside of my mouth - nothing.

As the munching progressed there would be a new spot of the red on the burrito. Then I noticed my beard had a bit of hot sauce taking up residence. That must be it. Nope. Fuck it, I just kept eating. Once I got to my car I looked in the mirror to see if I could locate the culprit, and I did. It seems there was a small part of my chapped lips, from being out in the rain all day Wednesday, had cracked causing a tiny bit of blood.

It was nice to find the root of the problem, I was beginning to thing my lunch had the stigmata.

I usually do not judge people for their odd fetishes. If it floats your boat, great. Who am I to say it's weird? I'm sure I like plenty of weird things, which I will not disclose here. But on today's installment of "WTF?" on G4's Attack of the Show they discussed "masking" and I just don't understand these people. Watch:



I'm not crazy, right? This is a little off, yes? At least the hosts, Kevin and Olivia, were able to have a little fun of their own while donning latex faces.

What interesting story do I find from Reuters when I get home tonight?

"Vampire" unearthed in Venice plague grave

It seems they found a female skeleton with a brick lodged in her jaw. This was done to keep her from feeding on plague victims during the 16th century. This is a very interesting aspect to the beginning of the vampire mythos in the world. Between the tales of blood drinking (which have been around for ages), Countess Bathory, the disease porphyria (where subjects are extremely allergic to sunlight and are healed by ingesting blood)and now these findings it is easy to see where the vampire came from.

It is a very interesting story about how these "shroud-eaters," as they were called, were perceived by gravediggers during the plague years. Read on for the full scoop.



By Daniel Flynn ROME (Reuters) - Italian researchers believe they have found the remains of a female "vampire" in Venice, buried with a brick jammed between her jaws to prevent her feeding on victims of a plague which swept the city in the 16th century.

Matteo Borrini, an anthropologist from the University of Florence, said the discovery on the small island of Lazzaretto Nuovo in the Venice lagoon supported the medieval belief that vampires were behind the spread of plagues like the Black Death.

"This is the first time that archaeology has succeeded in reconstructing the ritual of exorcism of a vampire," Borrini told Reuters by telephone. "This helps ... authenticate how the myth of vampires was born."

The skeleton was unearthed in a mass grave from the Venetian plague of 1576 -- in which the artist Titian died -- on Lazzaretto Nuovo, which lies around three km (2 miles) northeast of Venice and was used as a sanitorium for plague sufferers.

The succession of plagues which ravaged Europe between 1300 and 1700 fostered the belief in vampires, mainly because the decomposition of corpses was not well understood, Borrini said.

Gravediggers reopening mass graves would sometimes come across bodies bloated by gas, with hair still growing, and blood seeping from their mouths and believe them to be still alive.

The shrouds used to cover the faces of the dead were often decayed by bacteria in the mouth, revealing the corpse's teeth, and vampires became known as "shroud-eaters."

According to medieval medical and religious texts, the "undead" were believed to spread pestilence in order to suck the remaining life from corpses until they acquired the strength to return to the streets again.

"To kill the vampire you had to remove the shroud from its mouth, which was its food like the milk of a child, and put something uneatable in there," said Borrini. "It's possible that other corpses have been found with bricks in their mouths, but this is the first time the ritual has been recognized."

While legends about blood-drinking ghouls date back thousands of years, the modern figure of the vampire was encapsulated in the Irish author Bram Stoker's 1897 novel "Dracula," based on 18th century eastern European folktales.

Source: Reuters UK

If you have never caught the show Ninja Warrior, you are missing out! I have been a fan of this ultimate, and insane, Japanese obstacle course for a while now and every episode I catch captivates me just as much as the first time.

Ninja Warrior, or Sasuke as it is know in its native Japan, began in 1997 and has triumphed through to present day. The usual contest consists of 100 competitors starting with the first stage, where most will meet their fate. There are three stages total and then the final obstacle, spider climbing, or rope climbing, up the 74 feet of Mount Midoriyama in 30 seconds. Currently, after 21 series, there have only been two men to complete the whole course. That should tell you how hard the obstacles can be.

On Saturday G4, where you American's can watch this great program, aired a marathon of the all female Ninja Warrior competition, known as Kunoichi in Japan. I watched a few episodes and had to leave so I let my DVR catch the rest of the day. Damn, some of these women are amazing athletes. Tonight I finished watching all of the most current series, and while no one made it past the third stage, only four made it to the second, it was still a great time.

CLICK HERE for a video of the amazing Ayako Miyake completing all four stages for the third consecutive time (stupid account disabled embedding for this video). Make sure you tune into G4 on Tuesday nights, and many times on the weekend, to catch this fine program. Soon you'll be ready to tackle Unbeatable Banzuke (Kinniku Banzuke)!

I don't really know what to say about this video. Is there really this much of a market for this? How many people are going to buy this in the U.S.? Everyone knows Japan is a bit out there, and we Americans can't get enough of their crap, so I'm sure you'll see these here before you know it. The next anime convention are going to have Dragonball Z characters running around in man-bras, chomping down on Pocky and downing Ramune. This would almost make it worth going to A-kon... almost.

This brings up another confusing subject - cosplayers. I guess it is no different than dressing up in any costume, or as a zombie, but there's just something a little more "off" in my opinion. Big foam swords twice as tall as you are and a tail? Hmmmm. I remember at the Canadian National Expo a couple years ago (I attended for the Rue Morgue Festival of Fear), there were a few thousand people, and half, it seemed, were all in full costume. There is a park across the street from the Toronto Convention Center and this is where a ton of cosplay people decided converge. It looked like an anime exploded. I had a notebook, a marker and a digital camera. My plan was to write "GAY" on a piece of paper, stand in the middle of the group and have one of my buddies take a picture. They didn't want to do it and talked me out of it. I regret this everyday.