Thursday, February 25, 2010
Picasso Trigger - 1988 - Dir. Andy Sidaris
Location: Marcus' House
B-Movie Bonanza
Inspired by everyone's, at least in my circle of friends, love of a bad movie Marcus decided to host a double feature night of fun and ridiculousity (made-up word). His pick for the first feature is one from a master of the action film. This is a sequel to the infamous Hard Ticket to Hawaii and follows a group of agents who work for the agency. What agency? I have no freakin' clue but they are all awesome. A double agent is gunned down in Paris and because of this agents are being killed all over. Those left alive must spring to action and take out this bad dude while wearing Body Glove water wear, Speedos and having plenty of romances.
Though I have heard of Sidaris and his films this is the first one I've ever seen. I am now definitely a fan and must celebrate this man's entire catalog. Everything is bad, but hilarious and there are plenty of former Playmates shedding wardrobe. One of my personal favorite cast members is Jade (Harold Diamond) who is not only super fit but has a ponytail over his shoulder, wears tight clothes and works with dolphins! There's not much I can tell about this movie other than it needs to be seen and copious amounts of beer are suggested as well. Unfortunately it's not currently available but there are ways to find this particular cinematic treasure. Check out the trailer below, sorry for the poor quality.
No Retreat, No Surrender - 1986 - Dir. Corey YuenLocation: Marcus' House
B-Movie Bonanza
The second film of the night was my pick. A treasured film from my childhood which I described to everyone as a more ridiculous and low-budget Karate Kid. Except there is no Miyagi and no waxing off/on. But in place you are treated with Jean-Claude Van Damme and the ghost of Bruce Lee! Jason's father moves the family out to Seattle after getting run out of his karate studio by the mob and gives up martial arts, but his son's obsession with Bruce Lee continues. After his dad trashes his makeshift dojo Jason's buddy R.J. takes him to an abandoned house where he sets everything back up and is trained by Lee's ghost. Awesome!
I think this went over rather well and it was even more fun than I remembered. What makes this really cool is that some of the fight scenes, especially at the end, are really entertaining. This movie really has everything including multiple scenes of breakdancing and a fat guy karate student/bad guy. One thing I didn't remember about the film is how much is montage. The 80s are known for the musical montage of the hero training but this movie takes it to a whole other level. It might not be half of the film but it has to be more than a third of the overall runtime. This is 80s fun for the whole family! I knew there were two sequels with the NRNS moniker but it turns out there are also two others, The King of the Kickboxers (1990) and American Shaolin (1991), which I will have to hunt down right away. Hopefully they will release a DVD of this sometime, especially considering it's one of JCVD's first films.
It's not available but you can watch it on YouTube. There are a couple versions but the one in eleven parts has the best quality, even though there are hardcoded foreign subtitles. Start with Part One right here!
Alternate Titles
Karate Tiger
American Champion
Kickboxers
Location: My Couch
I love the films of John Hughes. Can't really pick my favorite because they're all so great. He really put the teen flick on the map in the 80s and changed the course of cinema. Anyone who has made a teen targeted movie since then owes a debt of gratitude to the voice Hughes lent a generation. I was really sad to hear that he died so young, as were many, but luckily he left behind some great films to cherish forever. In fact, kids today even watch Ferris skip school, a girl whose parents forgot her birthday and an eclectic group of kids spend a Saturday at school. Since the 90s he was rather reclusive and only did some writing under the Count of Monte Cristo homage pen name Edmond Dantes. A group of filmmakers in Canada set out to find the man and interview people who knew him and kids of today to see the impact this man had on so many lives and a whole genre of films.
The documentary isn't perfect and there are some odd choices made in the edit room but it's nice to hear some of Hughes' former colleagues or actors talk about their experiences with him. Just when I think kids watch only crap I hear them on this doc gushing over the Hughes flicks and saying how true they still ring while current movies are just stupid. No one gets real high school students like Hughes did and it's great to see that his glimpses which rang true in the 80s and did the same for me in the 90s, still capture the teens of today. Other filmmakers were also interviewed and they had nothing but nice things to say, though they spent a little too much time with Kevin Smith. I like the guy and all, but he's not the end all on hip film.
What is really sad is to see how much those who loved and worked with Hughes don't understand why he's so reclusive. They understand why he ran from the Hollywood scene but why did he leave them behind. I guess they could be the same L.A. douchebags he wanted to escape and just don't realize. Evidently one reason he shot his films on location is so the young actors would not be able to go out and party every night like usual and they could concentrate on their performances. Smart. This doc is recommended to fans of Hughes, others might not care too much but it could always make you want to watch his films. It has me wanting to revisit Hughes' work. Currently the film is available on Netflix Instant Watch and a DVD is due out soon.
I suggest you take the time to read THIS BLOG ENTRY from a girl who was pen pals with John Hughes for quite some time. It's a bit long but quite touching and well worth the read.
Location: My Couch
I'll admit that I'm not that much of a Stephen Chow connoisseur. I've seen the two biggies that everyone else has, Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle, but I haven't watched his older stuff. I will, I promise! When I saw that he had a family film coming out I knew I wanted to see it, especially after I saw the cute alien dog from the trailer. The story involves a young boy (though played by a girl) who is very poor and his father (Chow) uses what little money he has to send him to a private school. Everyone makes fun of him because he doesn't have nice things and he really wants high tech toys like his classmates. His father finds a weird green ball in the dump and brings it home to and unhappy kid. That is until he realizes the ball is actually a dog-like creature from space.
There are plenty of laughs in this movie and it's all thanks to the wonderful child actors. They are absolutely hilarious throughout and the "bad kid" has the best look to any child villain EVER. Just take a look at him.
Surprisingly the film is not all laughs, and takes a very sad turn. This is not a sad twist, it's just more of a sad tone throughout but it's much darker than I expected. This is a good film, but not as good as the two other Chow films I've seen. Still, kids will love it and I want a space dog pronto. Pick up the
Blu-Ray here
or the DVD here
.
Moving - 1988 - Dir. Alan MetterLocation: My House (is a very, very, very fine house)
Who doesn't love Richard Pryor? He was a master comedian and made some great flicks. Ok, so he also made some shit, but this is not one of them. I have seen this quite a few times but it always pulls plenty of laughs out of me. Pryor plays a mass transit engineer named Arlo Pear who loses his job and is forced to take his only offer which requires him to relocate the whole family from New Jersey to Idaho. As much as he tries to plan out the perfect, stress free move everything goes wrong with hilarious results for the audience.
Not only is Pryor brilliant as usual but the supporting cast kicks some serious ass. Randy Quaid is the neighbor from hell with the largest lawn mower ever used in a residential area. My personal favorite small role belongs to Dana Carvey who is hired to drive Arlo's prized Saab to Idaho, but after he leaves they learn that he has multiple personality disorder and things go bad for the Saab. This is an 80s comedy that is not to be missed, pick up the
DVD right here
. 
Location: Home, Sweet Home
I hate it when I watch a film that has been out for quite sometime and I feel like I really missed out. Somehow this documentary completely escaped me and I finally got around to checking it out seeing that is is right up my alley. For some reason I never really knew anything about this magical channel in the Los Angeles area from the 80s but I really wish I would have been able to take advantage of its glories. In attempt to expand cinematic knowledge this pay channel would show films uncut and uninterrupted at all hours, but not the normal cable fare of today. Z Channel would show foreign films, classics, cult and all the great stuff most people don't see. The man behind the programming was Jerry Harvey, who ended up murdering his wife and killing himself.
Interviews with friends, family and filmmakers paint the picture of the man's cinematic obsession which turned so many others on to new, and sometimes strange, films. Young movie watchers were shaped by this programming and turned their love of the craft into making films themselves. For those filmmakers who were not given theatrical distribution, this was there place. There was no home video when this started so Z Channel gave their work an outlet. Harvey and company were also known to reach out to director's and let them show their version of the film instead of the chopped up cuts studios make. Harvey helped so many people, gave inspiration to tons more and broadened the horizons of everyone who subscribed. It's a shame his life met such a tragic end.
Anyone with an interest in film must
get the DVD
now! My "to watch" list has certainly expanded after this and I can't wait to delve into some new things.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
7 Days (Les sept jours du talion) - 2010 - Dir: Daniel Grou
Location: The Comfort of My House - Screener
This year Sundance decided to be cool to cinema fans who can't make it to Park City and release a few films on-demand. Out of the three released, one is this French Canadian thriller about revenge. Dr. Bruno Hamel's (Claude Legault) eight year old daughter has been missing all afternoon and he finds her body in the weeds near a park after she had been raped and killed. And this is all before the opening credits! He and his wife are of course devastated and when they hear the man responsible has been caught they realize it's just not enough. Hamel hijacks the transport van carrying Anthony Lemaire (Martin Dubreuil) and takes him to a remote cabin where he plans to torture him for seven days before killing him on what would have been his daughter's ninth birthday.
What follows is over 90 minutes of brutal torture, both emotional and physical. The film definitely does not shy away from the onscreen violence and while some may find this exploitative I think it plays an integral role. You are on this journey with Hamel and supposed to feel the pain he feels and suffer through the hard things he feels he has to do to avenge his daughter. His journey is truly a rough one. The film is not just the straight forward story, but contains a few bits of symbolism and another character not dealing with the death of a loved one in his own twisted way.
This is not a very redeeming film, nor is it joyful, but I highly recommend it for those who could stomach the intense graphic scenes. Great acting and a solid story. The film is on-demand through some cable/dish providers and will hopefully be picked up for distribution soon.
Location: The Comfort of My House - Blu
I picked up this Blu-Ray a couple months ago used but had yet to get around to watching. I did see the film in the theater but something inside of me said, "you must buy this!" The other night I was looking for something fun to watch and figured it was as good a time as any for some 3D miner action. That sounds a kind of dirty. When I went to put the disc in my player I realized the used copy was missing the red and blue 3D glasses, but luckily I have some from my Coraline Blu-Ray. The quality of the 3D actually works somewhat but, as with any film using the colored lenses, the image has a pinkish hue, not to mention how uncomfortable the cardboard frames are. So, I decided to take them off and watch in good old fashioned 2D.
The story, if you need to know, involves a guy in a mining get-up named Harry Warden who kills people with a pick axe. Ten year after a massacre of a bunch of teens Tom comes back to town and the killing starts up all over again. The film is pretty throw away, with the exception of Tom Atkins, but the 3D angle made seeing it on the big scree so much fun! Unfortunately when you watch it at home without the aide of the third dimension you lose some of the kitsch. Nothing like the "coming right at you" gags without it actually looking like it's "coming right at you." Still there is a bit of 80s-like cheese so it may hold up in the future for a fun laughable flick and there are a few cool gore scenes, if you can look past all the crappy CG FX.
Pick up the 3D Blu-Ray here
, or the standard def here
. Or you could always pick up the awesome original film from 1981 right here
!
Location: The Comfort of My House
After recently re-watching Volume 4 from the Found Footage Festival I got a hankering for more zany found video goodness. I have yet to watch the other three volumes so I decided to go ahead and start with number one. Jenny was here so I subjected her to the insanity for the first time and at the end of the video she asked, "so when are these guys coming back to Dallas?"
This is a hysterical journey though some truly bad and, sometimes, uncomfortable videos. There is a McDonald's custodial training video, outtakes of a very angry RV salesman making a commercial, Corey Haim, Arnold Schwarzenegger doing a cringe inducing video for Carnival in Rio and, of course, and exercise video montage. My favorite out of everything have to be the insurance company "safety" videos. Jenny and I were red in the face from laughing so hard.
The DVD has many more videos and is well worth the money. Buy it now from the Found Footage Festival online store!
Dangerfreaks - 1989 - Dir: Brian Trenchard-SmithLocation: The Comfort of My House
Here's a film I missed seeing at BTSNAT a while back and borrowed from Micah. Then I forgot I had it until I saw it on the shelf the other day. So, I put the disc in and was taken on a ride for 90 minutes through the insane world of Aussie stuntmen. Although there are many people covered and interviewed the star of the show is undoubtedly Grant Page. This man is an insane stuntman from Australia who will do anything from riding his souped up dune buggy, to scaling buildings without a safety harness or setting himself on fire and jumping from a cliff.
There is not much story here since it's a documentary but they do cover the bases on different types of stunts done by the guys, and girls, and show 100 stunts in 90 minutes. How can you not enjoy that? Too bad this is not widely available, but watch this trailer below to get an idea of the crazy stuff within.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
A few fellow film fanatics and I decided to get together and watch a few flicks. There were only three of us but between Marcus, Travis and myself we had a good time. Here are the glorious DVDs we viewed.
Location: Marcus' Couch
My Contribution
For the uninitiated, the Found Footage Festival is a show put together by two VHS aficionados who seek out the weird and hilarious. Joe and Nick scour thrift stores and garage sales all over the country to amass one of the greatest collections of unintentionally humorous crap. The two do a live show with montages of clips that they speak on and the laughs just begin to roll out of you. After seeing their show a few months ago I have become a lifelong fan and cannot wait for them to return.
Marcus missed out on the show but wanted to see the DVD, which I pre-ordered at their show, so I brought it and we watched it first. The hilarious clips of exercise videos, 80s cartoons, hair and make-up instructionals, erotic subjects, Phyllis Diller's tips for a good garage sale, video dating and many other hold up well for the second viewing. As the other guys can attest we were all rolling over with laughter. There is not much more I can say about this seeing as it's just clips from the bizarre world of VHS tapes, but it is definitely hilarious and worth the money.
More info and semi-daily posted videos can be found on their website, foundfootagefest.com. There you can also buy all four of the volumes and some t-shirts. Buy the newest, Volume 4, here.
Location: Marcus' Couch
Travis' Contribution
This film was one I realized I had seen before but remembered almost nothing about it, except that it was a film I didn't like. I'm really glad I got the chance to revisit this quick Japanese flick, because it's pretty crazy. The director was in competition with another to make a film with only two characters in a week and this is the film which won. Two aspiring actresses and roommates begin to unravel with jealousy and anger as they await news on a part for which they both auditioned. Each of the girls' bad habits begin to bother the other more than usual and they end up in an epic fight all over their crazy apartment.
This is only about 70 minutes and it uses every second to show the rage each girl has against the other. Some of the acts of vengeance are, while mean, pretty funny. Throwing eggs in the girl's face is one example, while exchanging slaps to the face is another. Don't let the silliness of egg on the face or slapping fool you, the girls get vicious in ways horror fans will enjoy. I wonder if things would have worked out differently if Tsutsumi had more than a week to work on this, but more revision could have detracted from the final product. Grab the DVD here.
Location: Marcus' Couch
Marcus' Contribution
I'm glad to see that Marcus' interest in Blaxploitation seems to have surged after we saw Black Dynamite last weekend. This flick started off as a black Superman but evolved into more of a comedy with a little action. A medical experiment is being done to give superhuman abilities to a normal man in order to rob a jewelry store of ten million in diamonds. The only problem is the chemicals are unstable and the recipient will die within a week. Instead of risking themselves they decide to get a wino from the ghetto and use him. Enter the zany "Wildman" Steve Gallon who talks a lot, and only about a third of it makes any sense.
This film has everything you would want from a Blaxploitation film - bad acting, inexplicable extreme close-ups on half a face, bad dialog and plenty of jargon. The scientific genius behind everything is a white midget named Dr. Dippy who has a very weird accent, a big boobed girlfriend and smokes the weirdest looking cigars I've ever seen. There are so many bad things about this movie that it makes for great fun. The lines said, especially by Wildman, are ridiculous. At one point he complains about the government being against marijuana but for two grown men having sex (HA!). He says that "if you are caught with a joint in your mouth, you better make sure it has two balls on the end of it." Good times indeed.
Like many Blaxploitation films of the era this had different titles and is mostly known by The Six Thousand Dollar Nigger, as seen on the IMDb page. Films of this ilk just loved throwing that word in the title, which makes for some very interesting theme songs at times, but I'll get to that at another time. The other bowdlerized titles include Six Thousand Dollar Super-Brother and The Six Thousand Dollar Black Dude.
This is one that is not easily available on DVD, but if you find it there are plenty of laughs and "what the hell" moments.
Location: Marcus' Couch
Travis' Contribution
This last DVD is just over 40 minutes and full of craziness so we had to watch it before calling it a night. This anime is based on a manga of the same name, then they recently released a live action film, directed by Ronny Yu, of the same name. I watched the film and enjoyed it, so I was anxious to see its animated predecessor. Travis has watched this many times and said at the beginning that it doesn't make a bunch of sense and I can see why. According to IMDb this was supposed to be the middle of three episodes to tell the story but it's the only one ever made and released. What you get here is Saya, a young looking girl with crazy sword skills with the task of destroying these vampire-demon creatures who hide in human form in Japan. She is sent to an English speaking high school on an American military base and all hell breaks loose on the night of their Halloween dance.
The animation is slick and stylish and the fighting and gore are plentiful. I'm not a fan of Anime. In general I really dislike it, but sometimes I'll see one that really catches my eye. This is now one of those films. After seeing the great things this crew did with just a third of their intended story makes me really want to see the rest. Too bad that will probably never happen. Yu's film version takes place in a different decade and tells much more of the story, but in a different way. I would recommend watching both of them for a more comprehensive view of the overall world. Good for Anime fans, non Anime fans, horror fans, martial arts fans, action fans and many more.
The anime version is here on Blu, 
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Evidently Disneyland has had a position at its theme parks for boob watchers. The highly boring job is to watch all of the photos taken on rides and check for objectionable things before showing it on the preview screen for the public to see. Every once in a while a girl may flash her boobs (like the above photo will prove), but I'm pretty sure most of their problems are kids, and/or frat guys, giving the finger. Most of the time it is probably nothing fun to watch.
Evidently Disney agreed this was a minor problem because as of this week those porno peepers have been reassigned in other areas of the theme parks. If anyone reading this is out in the Disneyland area feel free to have a go on Splash Mountain, Tower of Terror, Space Mountain or California Screamin'. If you want to see a few more, and uncensored, photos like I have included head over to Flash Mountain.
Pranksters and exhibitionists enjoy!
[Boing Boing]
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
There is something that happens in Men's Rooms everywhere that some are not aware of. Most of the clueless are women, who never spend time in there, but I've talked to a few guys who have never seen this. I'll let Butters from South Park explain:
If you still don't understand from the crappy picture, or have never seen him do this in South Park, I will give more info. Often times little boys (Kindergarten to 2nd Grade) will walk up to the urinal, drop their pants to their ankles, hold the shirt up with both hands and piss away. I remember seeing this in elementary school and thinking it was funny then, but occasionally I have seen it in public places. About a month ago I walked into Target and against the urinal wall was a kid doing this very act. I had to go in a stall to pee because I thought I'd laugh if I stayed near the kid.
I really don't remember ever doing this myself. I guess it is always possible, but I think I would remember urinating with my bare ass exposed in public. I do remember the awesome urinals at my elementary schools. They were blue and had a point system. It was like the skee-ball scoring system with each ring increasing in point value up to a 50 point bullseye. I searched online for a while for a picture of one of these, but I could not find one. Maybe I'll head back to my old school and see if they still have them. I can hear it now, "sir, why are you walking into the boy's room with a camera?"
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Why the hell can no one at a freaking grocery store correctly sack the groceries?! Aside from Central Market and Whole Foods I never get anyone who knows what they are doing. Maybe I am just lucky at the couple of good stores, but they seem to be the only ones.
I bring my own bag to the store. Sure, I'm helping out the environment or something, but basically they hold more than the plastic bags and are easier to carry. When I walk up to the register I begin to stack my items on the conveyor belt in the order they would best fit in the bag. I have had the clueless put the goddamn eggs in the bag first! Is that not Grocery Sacking 101? Tonight the kid did put the half gallon carton of milk in first - on its side!
A couple months ago while checking out I realized I would need a second bag because I was buying too many bigger items. Right by the register they have them for sale, a dollar each. This goes first on the mini-Jestons walkway followed by the order in which the purchases should be stacked. Before she started scanning everything I haded her the one bag I brought myself. She opens it and commences to scan.
*BEEP*
One bag across the scanner - and she drops in in the other bag. What the fuck?!
I asked her what she was doing and she replied something to the effect of, "what do you mean?"
"I was planning on using the bag."
"Oh, you want to use it now?"
"Why else would I be buying it?"
I was greeted by a blank stare. Then the scanning/sacking process continued, poorly of course.
---------------------------------------------------
I found a blog that I really enjoy and thought you might too. It is a New York based stand-up comic named Myq Kaplan. The blog is called Godzillionaire and what he does is combine words, like "Godzilla" and "Zillionaire," and write a short comment about them. Sometimes they are long, sometimes short but they are steadily funny and poetic. Here is the most recent post:
Analogy.
Jesus.
Analogesus.
Water is to wine.
Brilliant! Check it out, yo!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
I've seen my dog do a lot of twitching and growling in his sleep, but nothing like this.
That is all I have to say right now, it's late. I'm tired. Bed, I come to you.
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