Goddamn Brownies

The general movie going public never ceases to amaze me. People who arrive late to a film and stumble to their seats in the dark ten minutes in make no sense. I haven't decided if it is worse or not, but many of these people also leave before the movie is even over. What is the rush? The movie is beginning to wind down, the big climax has happened so I guess these patrons feel like they have seen the whole story. No need for a dènnouement. No need for an epilogue. That was around ten bucks, per person, well spent. You missed the first few minutes and the last few. Most of the time these people file out of the theater just as slowly as they entered. It's not like they are in a rush for something. Is there going to be a huge traffic jam of which I have not been made aware?

If this is a huge screening and you don't want to sit in traffic then why not wait in your seat? You will get to finish the actual movie, maybe see some bloopers if you have been watching a comedy, or there could be a little stinger after the credits. I always sit through the end credits of every film and read through the scrolling text. This is not just to see if there is anything after the credits, but just to see the names of everyone who worked on this project. I have always been like this. It pains me when I am at a film festival and I have to leave during the credits in order to make the next flick on my schedule. Maybe I am weird, but I think it is just everyone else who is rude.

Monday I finally went to see Star Trek, which was great. Less than a minute after the climax ended this couple in the back row began gathering their things to leave. As if this was not bad enough, the female started talking on the phone in a normal tone before they even left their row. So you don't want to sit and watch the end of the movie, do you have to be an annoying as possible to everyone else around you?

Once the credits began to roll the three people on the row in front of mine filed out one by one, and each of them stopped directly in my eye line. Could they not see I was sitting trying to see around them? I can forgive the first offender, because he may not have noticed, but his two friends should have seen.

There was also a group of people a few rows ahead who came in with their large refillable popcorn before the trailers. As soon as all of the trailers were over and the feature had begun one of them got up to refill the bucket. Why the hell did they wait until the film they paid to see to begin before getting up? This makes no sense!

I love to see films with an audience at times, but sometimes it is just not worth the agony my mind goes through.

Once my family moved to Burleson when I was nine or ten, we had to find a new video store. There were a couple of good ones in the area, including one where I was employed. That store will have to wait for a more detailed blog. So many stories to tell.

Around this time grocery stores started to rent VHS to anyone for a bit more convenience. Not sure if any of these stores do this still, but my dad and I would pick out the weekly rentals while my mother was waiting in line with the groceries. Albertsons' selection was not too bad, but there is something about a store just for videos that supermarkets do not possess. One rental place in the rural area of Burleson, somewhat close to my house, was a place called Showtime Video. This was a small shop, the couple only owned one store to my knowledge and the outside had a huge Hollywood themed mural with the husband and wife owners portrayed in the convertible Cadillac waving. This was probably also the first rental place I frequented that had that elusive adult room. The best part about Showtime's adult section was the door had the cartoon chick from Cool World on the door. I still, for whatever reason, have not seen that film. Someday.



The thing I remember most about Showtime is their extensive horror section. They had the largest collection of gory, splatter fun my young eyes had ever seen. Many of the titles were things I had never heard of, or only read about in the pages of Fangoria. By the time I got my driver's license I had my own membership. My curiosities lead me to rent all of the "true" gore mondo style films. They had all the entries in all of the series - Faces of Death, Traces of Death, Death Scenes. One afternoon I sat in the living room at my parent's house, alone, eating bean burritos from FasTaco (the greatest Mexican fast food place ever!) and watching Death Scenes II. I had just taken a big bite from my gooey lunch when Pennsylvania's State Treasurer Budd Dwyer shot himself in the head. This food and sight combination is probably only rivaled by eating Arbys while watching low budget porn.

The internet was still VERY young, so I had not seen this or any of the other horrible things I have watched since then. Years later I would see this same scene projected on the video screens at a Rob Zombie concert, but at the time I was blown away. Who knew this kind of stuff existed? While most of the Faces of Death stuff was fake, some of these types of videos had real footage and thus began the part of my brain that store what I can never unsee.

On another trip headed home from returning videos to Showtime I had my first car accident. Not even a mile from my house, it was either swerve into an oncoming car, a telephone pole and ditch on the other side, or rear end the truck ahead of me. I chose the truck. This turned out to be an alright decision because it did not damage to his car, and much less to mine than the other options at hand. Stupid rain.

Thank you Showtime for giving me access to hard-to-find horror and things I should not have been watching. You have warped me for the better.

One of the things about prison that has always bugged me is the lack for bathroom privacy. Holding cells have tons of people and one toilet in plain view. How can you sit down and take care of business with a dozen or so other people standing around? I would really have to go. Then when in a cell for an extended period of time you probably have a cell mate. After a while you can probably get used to excreting with him (or her for the felonious ladies) around. There is an upside to solitary confinement - the peace to do your dirty work.

Back in 1989 a convicted murderer named Michael Anderson Godwin was on death row in a South Carolina prison. Godwin was lucky enough to have a television in his cell, but unfortunately it was on the blink. He was working on fixing the TV but nature started to call so he figured he could do both at the same time. I guess he was not really thinking about how electricity works because when he bit down on an exposed wire while sitting on that metal toilet he fried. Guess it opens up a slot in the real electric chair for someone else.

Godwin was not the only one to have this problem, in 1997 something similar happened to Laurence Baker. He was serving in Pittsburgh when the homemade headphones he was wearing to listen to his TV whilst crapping electrocuted him. I would ask why these guys do not think about the metal toilet being a bad idea while working with electricity, but maybe I should be asking why all of these prisoners get TVs in their cells.

What a shocking shit. Wakka-wakka.

[Miami New Times via Gizmodo]

Not that it should be any surprise to anyone, but we, the horror consumers, are being screwed over yet again. This time Warner Bros. is the offending party with the new Blu-Ray release of the George A. Romero/Stephen King horror anthology classic Creepshow.



I'm sure the transfer has been cleaned up a bit for this high def medium, but where are the extras? The only other Creepshow release in the US was bare bones, yet Creepshow 2 received an awesome two-disc release. I think the fans deserve some bonus features. We don't really need them to do anything new, just port over the extras from the awesome double disc release from the UK over a year ago.

A guy named Michael Felsher, Red Shirt Pictures, produced some behind the scenes stuff for a non-existent special edition of Creepshow. This is the guy behind all of your favorite features from recent releases such as The Monster Squad, Dark Sky's special edition of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Hellraiser and the upcoming Children of the Corn Blu-Ray. After everything was edited he went to Warner with all of the extras ready to go. They passed. He tried a few more times to reason with the studio, according to a Q&A I heard, to no avail. Across the pond the rights are owned by Universal and they jumped at the chance to do a sweet special edition for the fans. Why shouldn't they, the UK seems to get all the cool releases - Phantasm sphere set, Hellraiser lament configuration box set. The Creepshow SE has tons of great things like commentary with Romero and Tom Savini, around fifteen minutes of deleted scenes, thirty minutes of Savini's personal behind-the-scenes footage and Felsher's 90 minute (!) retrospective documentary. Who wouldn't want this?

I don't know why Warner is being so stubborn and releasing this Blu-Ray version with no extras when they are available and could easily be thrown on the disc. They would need to be converted to HD first, but Felsher probably already has them that way in anticipation. I will not buy this Blu-Ray release, even though I love the movie, in hopes they will eventually release a better version. It is annoying that they even consider doing this when they could do it right the first time, but you cannot win. Studios will do what they want and we are left to suffer through their mediocre releases, both mentally and economically.

Will it ever end?

On Monday I went to Fry's Electronics to purchase a washer and dryer for the new house. Having full size connections, and a place for them, is going to be awesome! I do love Fry's but it is kind of a love/hate relationship. Sometimes when you go in the staff is overly helpful, but most of the time when you actually need assistance it is like a freaking ghost town.

This was, of course, one of those times.

Jenny and I already picked the model we wanted so all I needed to do was buy them and schedule the delivery. After about five minutes of walking around the large appliances and slamming doors to try and get some attention I went on the hunt for a sales associate. I found some young guy stocking and told him I needed help buying a washer and dryer. "What kind of help do you need with that," he asked. "I need to buy them."

Blank stare.

Then I explained I knew what I wanted, I just needed to make the purchase. He went for help and soon a manager came over to me. She was very helpful and about ten to fifteen minutes later I was on my way to the register with the papers they needed to finalize everything.

When I handed the pages to the guy at the register he looked at them, back at me, back at the pages and then sighed. "Is this all they gave you?" What the hell kind of question is that? Why would I not give him something they gave me? Did I lose it in the two minutes it took to walk to the front and wait in the short line? I told him that was it, and then he asked if I was sure. Bah. He had to go make a copy of something and then he came back and we finished the transaction.

I do not understand people sometimes. I am sure there is not a crazy I.Q. test you have to pass to work retail, but can we please weed out the morons?

I have come very close to the end of my stay at this apartment I have called home for over three years. I try to cook a lot, usually Jenny comes over on Mondays for dinner so I try to make it a little nicer. As you may have noticed, this is when I normally post these cooking related blogs. This will be the last Monday in my current home so this was to be my last cooking hurrah. Since the last blog was not favored by Jessica, who is not a fan of pork, she suggested seafood this time around. Luckily I was already planning fish so I hope you all enjoy. The next cooking post will be in the new house!

On Tonight's Menu: Macadamia Crusted Mahi Mahi with Cilantro Lime Rice

First I crushed the macadamia nuts, which was much harder than I thought. After pounding them with a ton of noise for very little crushing, I put them in my coffee grinder which did the trick. Into this I mixed some melted butter, a couple tablespoons of AP flour and some Panko bread crumbs and set it aside.


The Mahi Mahi fillets were put on a baking sheet covered with vegetable oil lubed foil. They are seasoned with fresh pepper and kosher salt and put into a 450° oven for five minutes.


The fillets come out when the timer dings and brushed with a bit of sweetened condensed milk. Coconut milk would be good here as well, but Jenny is allergic so I substituted. Then the nut mixture is pressed on the tops of the fish and put back in the oven for about ten minutes, or until the tops are golden brown.


When they come out of the oven, cover with foil to let the crust harden a bit for a nice crunch. After the rest it was time to eat with the cilantro lime rice and a small mixed green salad with some scallions, cranberries and a vinaigrette.

I have never really been a fan of trailer parks. I guess few people are, but I'm sure they do exist. Most of my distaste for these odd places probably stems from the involvement I had in their mazes of trash while delivering pizzas years ago.

I worked at Mr. Jim’s Pizza in Burleson, at first as a second job, but then full time because it was fun and easy. No stress whatsoever and I basically got paid to drive around and listen to music, two of my favorite things. Jim’s had a large delivery area, the largest in town, and because of this we catered to people who lived out in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough part of this rural route was stocked with quite a few different run down trailer parks. There was one in particular, whose name I cannot recall but I will refer to as Crap Town, in the area known as Rendon between Burleson and Mansfield off Farm Road 1187 which was the worst. Each trailer of each row seemed to be competing for who could live the most slovenly and it seems like the land the garbage trucks forgot.

Late one night I was taking a pizza out to the super of Crap Town. He did not have a double or single wide, but a two story house in the very back corner. After navigating through all the mess I finally came upon his home and when I got out all that could be heard was barking. On the second floor was a balcony where at least a dozen large dogs of all different breeds were alerting him and everyone else in the town, of my presence.

Before I could make it to his front door he was already outside meeting me halfway. Here is our conversation, paraphrased of course. It was ten or eleven years ago after all.

HIM: Sorry about all the dogs, but they won’t attack you from up there.

ME: No big deal. Are they all yours?

HIM: Nah, they are strays. The pound is coming to pick them up tomorrow. One of them is pretty mean; he got a hold of my hand pretty good.

After seeing his bandaged hand I looked up and there was one dog staring me, and my delicious smelling pizza, down with thick foam dripping from his mouth! This was not drool. I rushed through the rest of our transaction, hurriedly walked back to my car and drove the hell out of Crap Town. I never found out if they guy was alright after his altercation with the foaming beast, but I’m pretty sure he was. I would think news of him dying of rabies or something would have spread to me somehow.

It really is a shame that trailer parks are such lousy places, because some of the doublewides I have seen are not too bad. Take this hip new place from Clayton Homes for example.



This is the iHouse. Not sure why Clayton has adopted the Apple “i,” or anyone else for that matter. I guess people think adding that before your product automatically makes it better and that much more of a hot item. Oh well. The iHouse is very eco-friendly and comes with energy-efficient appliances, rainwater-catching system, dual flush toilets and heavily insulated walls. All this and the solar panels help to make the place so energy efficient that it is estimated the heating/cooling and electric needs are about $1 a day! Not only is the place nice to the environment, but it is pretty easy on the eyes as well. It might retail for around $140,000 for 1,000 square feet, but it does come fully furnished. Check out some interior shots.




This is the type of trailer I could see myself living in, if I were to ever go that route. The only problem is where would you put your iHouse? I think someone needs to pick a nicer area, buy a bunch of these and start the iHouse iPark. If everything is kept nice and tidy on the grounds it could really be a nice place. Much better than any duplexes and think of the wonderful ecological benefits. Maybe someone will do this someday, I sure as hell don’t have the money.

[Clayton iHouse]

Men, have you ever had a problem with splash back while urinating? No guy wants to have to sit down just to urinate, but you are stuck with the dilemma of not wanting a splash of your waste on your khakis. Thankfully the Japanese have been hard at work on solving this problem and now you will have dry pant fronts thanks to the Tenshi no Hizamakura, a.k.a Angels Knee Pillow!



Would you like to know the wonderful science behind this invention? "Scientists" counted the hundreds of droplets of spray that are caused by peeing from great heights, or hitting the rim, and decided the only way to get around this is to be lower and go directly into the bowl.



Of course the sane solution to this problem would be to just sit down when going "number one," but that is way to girlish for a man. Instead you should use the much more manly option of the Tenshi no Hizamakura.




The first model is the deluxe and consists of a cushioned two piece assembly that resemble little toilets for $60 (¥5800). If you are more cost/environmentally cautious then you may opt for the second "eco model" that is a one piece made of wood with a soft padding on the top for $50 (¥4800). Unfortunately it looks like these are only available in Japan, but give it time and, hopefully, they will soon be here in the States.

Sigh.

[House Doctor via Gizmodo]

Last night I began to think about what I wanted to cook for dinner tonight. I came up with nothing. Most of the time I like to plan the menu out ahead of time, for shopping and cooking time purposes. I woke up and had to meet a handyman at the new rent house Jenny and I will be moving into very soon (we get the keys on Friday). Once that was finished it was off to the grocery store. My new plan was to look around and come up with something. Tonight I did not go with anything too fancy but it tasted good and satiated my hog hunger.

Tonight's Menu - Pork Chops with a Mushroom Teriyaki Sauce

I did not take a lot of pictures of the meal in process tonight because everything was happening at once and so quickly that I really did not have time to snap the photos. After I cooked some onion in a pan with some extra virgin olive oil for a few minutes I through in the butterfly cut pork chops that had been marinating - soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, thyme, cayenne pepper and kosher salt.


While these cooked I drained the red potatoes, which had been boiling on another burner, and put then in my stand mixer. They started to mash as I added some milk, butter, sour cream, salt, pepper, sharp cheddar cheese and fresh chopped chives.


Before I knew it, the pork chops were done.


The chops went under foil to rest while the sauce was prepared. I added the mushrooms I sliced to the pan and deglazed with some water and some of the marinade. Using a whisk I scrapped up the bits on the pan and mixed that with some butter and a little all purpose flour on high while it reduced and thickened.


Now it was time to eat. Everything was put on a plate with some steamed broccoli, and the meal tasted great. Because of the soy the sauce was a tad salty, so next time I'll have to find a remedy for this.

Evidently Disneyland has had a position at its theme parks for boob watchers. The highly boring job is to watch all of the photos taken on rides and check for objectionable things before showing it on the preview screen for the public to see. Every once in a while a girl may flash her boobs (like the above photo will prove), but I'm pretty sure most of their problems are kids, and/or frat guys, giving the finger. Most of the time it is probably nothing fun to watch.

Evidently Disney agreed this was a minor problem because as of this week those porno peepers have been reassigned in other areas of the theme parks. If anyone reading this is out in the Disneyland area feel free to have a go on Splash Mountain, Tower of Terror, Space Mountain or California Screamin'. If you want to see a few more, and uncensored, photos like I have included head over to Flash Mountain.

Pranksters and exhibitionists enjoy!

[Boing Boing]

***WARNING - THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD - WARNING***



For those who did not know, last night was the finale of [Scrubs]. There is a possibility the show could return, but the main cast we have watched for the last eight years will not be there. The episode was great. A mix of funny and some sentimental, enough to make you a little misty eyed but probably not enough for full tears to roll down your face. What I always liked about the show, at least in the earlier seasons, is their way to keep you laughing until they turn the corner and hit you in the face with heartbreak. Over the last few years there was a bit of departure from this original "formula." Things became a little more slapstick and the heart took a vacation. Sure, every now and again you would get a winning episode, like when Laverne died, but something just felt different.

For me, I prefer sadder endings to shows. This was touching, but in my mind I had a different take. I even adjusted it to flow with how the show was playing out up through the penultimate episode. J.D. has moved into his new place to be closer to Sam and is finishing up his last day at Sacred Heart. Everything plays out much like it did in the finale, but J.D. never hears what Dr. Cox says about him. He just leaves and that speech never happens. When Elliot arrives at his home she finds him on the floor and we find out he is dead, because of something he did not know about. At the funeral Dr. Cox eulogizes his true feelings for J.D. and we end. There was no more powerful moment in [Scrubs] history than the episode in season three when Ben dies. Just seeing the rough, manly Dr. Cox crying at the funeral was so intense. I wish we could have captured more of that for the last episode.

My idea is not the best, and would work better if there had maybe been some hints towards it, but with the way the season went that is the best I could do. There could have been a car accident, but that is how Laverne went. I still enjoyed last night's episode. The Janitor's "name" was great, I liked the sheet with the future films (Sam and Izzy getting engaged) and I loved seeing all of the people in J.D.'s final walk down the hall, especially the woman from the "My Old Lady" episode asking if he ever went on a picnic.

There were some great musical moments this season that I hope get released through iTunes or something - all of Gooch's songs, Ted doing "Hey Ya" and The Blanks version of the theme last night. Come on guys, give us these songs!

If the show does continue I will give it a shot. I would like to see where they go from here, and who they keep. I do like some of the new interns, but it will never be the same show.

I love to cook "fancier" dishes, not the kind of stuff you would find in just any magazine, or the box of something you buy at the grocery store. That is not to say I don't like this kind of grub. Every once in a while I get a hankering for some Hamburger Helper or a casserole. So tonight I decided to indulge myself for a Mexican feast on Cinco de Mayo's Eve. ¡Salud!

Tonight's Menu - Enchilada Casserole

Begin with a hot skillet over medium-high heat, to which you will add chopped onion (one medium), ground beef, cumin, chili powder, a little bit of soy sauce and some kosher salt and fresh pepper (of course).


After this has cooked drain off any fat and add a can of pinto beans (rinsed and drained), some green chiles and fresh chopped cilantro. Mix together and set aside.


In a bowl mix together an 8oz container of sour cream, a couple tablespoons of flour and some garlic powder. Set aside.


Now comes the layering part, this is a bit like a Mexican lasagna. Get a rectangular baking dish, 2 quart, and grease the bottom. Add tortillas to cover the bottom, then half of meat mixture, half the sour cream mixture, half a can of enchilada sauce and some cheese (I used a sharp cheddar). You repeat the layers except for the cheese.


Now you can cover with plastic wrap and chill for up to 24 hours. When ready remove the plastic, cover with foil and slide it into a 350° oven for about 40 minutes. When the timer dings, or beeps, remove the foil and top with the rest of the cheese.


This will go back in the oven for another five minutes uncovered. I like to let it rest out of the oven for about ten minutes to solidify a bit, then plate up! I added more fresh cilantro, some green onion, sour cream and paprika. Accompanied by tortilla chips and your favorite salsa. This is not a really fancy meal but it tastes damn good.

Time to broaden your cinematic horizons again with a film that has been out-of-print for quite a long while. It came out during the teen film craze of the 80s to fuse teens, comedy and horror all together. It is much closer to Teen Wolf than Return of the Living Dead but that does not mean it is not great. AT least it's not Twilight. If you have not seen this in a long time, never watched, never heard of it or just would like to hear what I have to say - read on for my comments.

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In the eighties there was a rush of the teen sex comedy. Plenty of randy teenagers trying to lose their virginity at any cost could never run out of plots, especially when they began to mix genres. The young virginal boy is seduced by vampire and slowly turns into a member of the undead family. No, I'm not talking about Jim Carrey in Once Bitten. Though the plot does have some similarity to that of 1988's My Best Friend is a Vampire.

While delivering groceries one day Jeremy (Robert Sean Leonard) meets a curious woman who seems to want him rather badly. When he goes back he is bitten in the act of making love after being interrupted by who he thinks is the woman's husband. Actually it is Professor Leopold McCarthy (David Warner) and his bumbling sidekick Grimsdyke (Paul Wilson) - vampire hunters. Over the next couple of days strange things happen like his lust for protein, more specifically blood, and he seems to be followed everywhere. Soon it becomes apparent that he is indeed a vampire. While he tries to woo the girl he has a crush on, Darla (Cheryl Pollak), he has to deal with his newfound immortality and try not to catch a stake through the heart from McCarthy.

What you have to love about movies from the eighties is the complete lack of reasoning. Not to say this still does not occur in film today, it just seemed a bit more prevalent in comedies twenty years ago. When Jeremy does not see his reflection in the mirror he does not freak out like one would think, instead he says, aloud, that the mirror must be broken. What kind of reasoning is this? A few minutes later in the flick he meets Darla's parents (Kathy Bates plays her mom) before their date the dad takes a couple of Polariods of the happy couple. After they leave he sees that only his daughter is in the picture and thinks the camera must be broken. Nevermind that where Jeremy was standing you can see everything behind him crystal clear, sometimes when cameras break they just see through certain people.

However, the aforementioned illogical thinking does not take away from this film. This comedic look at becoming a teenage vampire is not to be taken too seriously. While the script is not perfect it has just the right amount of horror and comedy elements to make it something fans of both genres can enjoy. Comedy fans will not be turned off by gore or scares, but the normal vampiric conventions will surely satiate horror fans. It has probably been quite a while since anyone has seen this, save for late night cable, since it has been out-of-print for some time. The performances are decent by the majority, though some smaller characters could use some work. Veteran actor Rene Auberjonois has a part as a sort of vampire trainer to Jeremy. Auberjonois, along with Warner round elevate the cast, while Paul Wilson's (who played the barfly Paul on Cheers) over-the-top cheesy performance drops the films credibility a few points. All in all it evens out to your everyday eighties flick.

After seeing this on video, and a few years ago on cable I have been wanting a copy and luckily Lionsgate has made this a reality. MBFIAV is part of The Lost Collection they have recently started to release. A series of never released movies in most every genre that are light on pretty much everything. The only bonus feature here is a trivia track, they did not even include a trailer. When was the last time you bought a DVD that did not have the trailer? I thought it was a standard issue kind of thing. The biggest complaint about this release, and most of the others in Lionsgate's new series, has to be the bonehead decision to make this the full screen presentation. That's right, not even the option of the widescreen. At least the prices are low, around ten bucks, and the fans will probably want this in their collection. The Lost Collection is a great thing I just hope on the next wave of releases, if there are any, they give us more extras and a better transfer.

I read late last night that Peter Jackson might be planning a return to the horror genre soon. After an interview with writer Stephen Fry on a UK film themed radio show. Fry said that Jackson was thinking about making a movie about some time-traveling Nazis who head back to to try and stop the birth of Jesus. The tentative title - The Christ Must Die.

Of course since the story was posted it has been confirmed by Jackson's people that this is not true. I guess a little film called The Hobbit is eating up all of his time. What. Ever.

Yes, the above plot sounds a bit ridiculous, but awesome at the same time. I would love to see Lord of the Rings fans' reaction to the trailer for a film like this directed by Jackson. Most would be highly offended and shocked I'm sure. The casual Jackson fan and film goer may not have checked out his back catalog (though they should), because if they did they would see a very different director. He was all about the crazy, over-the-top and offensive. From the extraterrestrial insanity of Bad Taste (1987), to the crass Muppet-like creatures in Meet the Feebles (1989) and the bloodbath of Dead Alive/Braindead in 1992 (shown in the above Japanese poster).

I know this man has something crazy still in him, I just wish he would bring it to the world. Sam Raimi is finally doing it again with Drag Me to Hell, in theaters later this month. Come on Jackson, step back over to the dark side.

[/film via Dread Central]