Goddamn Brownies

I have never really been a fan of trailer parks. I guess few people are, but I'm sure they do exist. Most of my distaste for these odd places probably stems from the involvement I had in their mazes of trash while delivering pizzas years ago.

I worked at Mr. Jim’s Pizza in Burleson, at first as a second job, but then full time because it was fun and easy. No stress whatsoever and I basically got paid to drive around and listen to music, two of my favorite things. Jim’s had a large delivery area, the largest in town, and because of this we catered to people who lived out in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough part of this rural route was stocked with quite a few different run down trailer parks. There was one in particular, whose name I cannot recall but I will refer to as Crap Town, in the area known as Rendon between Burleson and Mansfield off Farm Road 1187 which was the worst. Each trailer of each row seemed to be competing for who could live the most slovenly and it seems like the land the garbage trucks forgot.

Late one night I was taking a pizza out to the super of Crap Town. He did not have a double or single wide, but a two story house in the very back corner. After navigating through all the mess I finally came upon his home and when I got out all that could be heard was barking. On the second floor was a balcony where at least a dozen large dogs of all different breeds were alerting him and everyone else in the town, of my presence.

Before I could make it to his front door he was already outside meeting me halfway. Here is our conversation, paraphrased of course. It was ten or eleven years ago after all.

HIM: Sorry about all the dogs, but they won’t attack you from up there.

ME: No big deal. Are they all yours?

HIM: Nah, they are strays. The pound is coming to pick them up tomorrow. One of them is pretty mean; he got a hold of my hand pretty good.

After seeing his bandaged hand I looked up and there was one dog staring me, and my delicious smelling pizza, down with thick foam dripping from his mouth! This was not drool. I rushed through the rest of our transaction, hurriedly walked back to my car and drove the hell out of Crap Town. I never found out if they guy was alright after his altercation with the foaming beast, but I’m pretty sure he was. I would think news of him dying of rabies or something would have spread to me somehow.

It really is a shame that trailer parks are such lousy places, because some of the doublewides I have seen are not too bad. Take this hip new place from Clayton Homes for example.



This is the iHouse. Not sure why Clayton has adopted the Apple “i,” or anyone else for that matter. I guess people think adding that before your product automatically makes it better and that much more of a hot item. Oh well. The iHouse is very eco-friendly and comes with energy-efficient appliances, rainwater-catching system, dual flush toilets and heavily insulated walls. All this and the solar panels help to make the place so energy efficient that it is estimated the heating/cooling and electric needs are about $1 a day! Not only is the place nice to the environment, but it is pretty easy on the eyes as well. It might retail for around $140,000 for 1,000 square feet, but it does come fully furnished. Check out some interior shots.




This is the type of trailer I could see myself living in, if I were to ever go that route. The only problem is where would you put your iHouse? I think someone needs to pick a nicer area, buy a bunch of these and start the iHouse iPark. If everything is kept nice and tidy on the grounds it could really be a nice place. Much better than any duplexes and think of the wonderful ecological benefits. Maybe someone will do this someday, I sure as hell don’t have the money.

[Clayton iHouse]